Running is free therapy.

I was really looking forward to my run today because I had a very stressful workday and know that it's going to be a very long work week so I couldn't wait to leave work and just run. Run away from problems, stress, criticism, worry, etc. By the time I was able to get out there it was after 6:30 and the Bears game started at 7:15 so it was going to be a quick one. Even in the cloudy weather and slight drizzle my new Garmin watch found a GPS signal pretty quickly and I was on my way. I ran 3.08 miles in just under 40 minutes and ran an 11-12 min pace. Not super fast but I didn't stop and walk at all (despite my couch to 10k telling me to walk after 30 min). I just kept running since I was in a time crunch and wanted to catch the kick off!

Little did I know that the Bears were going to play like horse shit...

Two more days of work...two more days...

Fell off the Wagon...

Yeah so it's been a little while.  Not proud but I'm back and that's what's important.  I took it upon myself to take the week off for my birthday (back on November 9th) and only ended up screwing myself.  It's been a roller-coaster the past couple of weeks starting off with the lowest of lows as I had a slight mental breakdown the week of my birthday.  The cause is not something that I wish to delve into, however, my pissy attitude surrounding my birthday makes it a wee bit difficult for those that care about me to do anything special to show that they care and I pretty much act like a brat.  Not proud of that either but I'm working on it.  Ok wait, in my defense I could mention here that I didn't hear from my best friend of 20+ years on my birthday but I won't. ;) Any who...what actually IS worth mentioning is that despite my sad, bratty efforts I ended up having a fantastic birthday. Those that matter most in my life made me feel very special and loved and I owe them a great big thanks!  My bff Caitlin (the bff that DID remember my bday) and my sister, Annie, live far far away (Virginia and Alaska) but are always the closest in my heart and I am very grateful for both of them, more than they know.

And I definitely gave Mr. Johnny D a run for his money the week of my birthday and well...I was just plain crazy.  But as always, he stuck it out and rolled with the punches (and dodged the shots I was taking at him and life in general) and planned a really special birthday celebration for me.  When I got home from work on Friday he and his family had set up a little party at my apartment and brought cake and presents and food and it was perfect.  And I really do like to think that the gifts that you receive on your birthday aren't what's most important but this year...I made out like a bandit and not afraid to say it!  I got a subscription to Runner's World from Caitlin and running shirts that I've been eyeing for months from Annie and Rich that I can't wait to wear. Johnny's parents got me a pretty scarf, a jewelry organizer and my Garmin running watch!!!!  So so so nice of them and way too generous!  I've used the watch a couple of times (see I haven't been a complete bum but definitely should have used it 10x by now...) and it's awesome.  I'm so excited to know how far I've actually run and not just the length of time.  And Johnny got me a pretty Pandora bracelet with a limited edition Bears charm (his grandparents got me a 2nd charm too) and an awesome new Northface winter jacket.  Loved everything!  The rest of the weekend was perfect too.  Relaxing, laughing, eating (uh oh) and just being happy together.  It was perfect.  Hence why I was a bum...I was having too much fun.

So like I said I have been running every other day or so but definitely not as consistently as I was two weeks ago so getting back on it tomorrow.  Also getting back on the blog because it really was helping to keep me more accountable.  There's obviously been a lot more going on the past two weeks than just my birthday (I'm not that self-centered) but it's pretty late and nothing that exciting too get into at the moment.  Until next time...

Bathtub Blog

Blogging from my bathtub. I could get used to this. I haven't taken a long hot bath in a long time and these days I need to try anything to chill the fuck out. I've been super emotional lately. Stressed, depressed, frustrated and it hasn't been fun. Nothing I really want to get into at the moment because I'm supposed to be being MORE POSITIVE but yeah...hopefully things will start turning around soon. (starting with a new job...)

Yesterday I had the best run of my life. The best. I was really worried about it because I hadn't ran, let alone worked out in 3 days ,and I wasn't being mindful of what I was eating either but I knew that this is going to happen from time to time and I need to just get right back in it and not look back. I went to the forest preserve at 9:30 am and had an hour workout ahead of me. I ran without headphones/music again and I really am starting to love it. The first mile and a half or two miles was hard. It usually takes awhile to get loose and into a groove but once I got close to that two miles I could feel my stride come together and my body was on autopilot. I used to run and say aloud to myself "you can do this. Just. Keep going." and I would sometimes repeat that to myself. Yesterday was different. Yesterday I started saying aloud to myself "you're doing it. You. Are. Doing. It.". And the tears came again. It was the closest thing I have ever felt to a runner's high. No...It WAS runner's high. I ran the entire preserve and actually wished there had been more trail to run. Sick, right?

After my run I sat on a bench overlooking the trails. I wish I could bottle up those thoughts and feelings and have them on hand for shitty days like today. I was so proud of myself.

Every little bit counts. Right?

So I kind of cheated this week.  No, not my workouts/runs.  No, not my eating (though I could always be better at that...).  I pre-weighed myself on Friday.  Even though I was getting my workouts in and not eating anything too crazy I started to feel a little nervous Friday that I wasn't going to have as great of a week as I did last week.  My body just wasn't feeling the "difference" as much as it had been the previous week.  So I thought I'd just take a peek at the scale a day early and see where I was at.  The results?  I was exactly where I was at 6 days before.  Not the end of the world but I was disappointed.  I felt like I had just lost another perfectly good week to lose weight and I blew it, just as I have most of the weeks of my life.  On the other hand I thought there may still be hope for Saturday's weigh in BECAUSE I weighed myself on Friday after I had already eaten breakfast, had a couple cups of coffee and the day was half over.  How could the number be 100% accurate?  So I buckled down the rest of Friday and I did 75% of the Zumba "Mix" DVD and was on point with my calorie intake.

I need to take a minute and talk about this Zumba "Mix" DVD.  It was pretty amazing.  I have had this Zumba DVD set for probably a year now, maybe more and I never used this particular DVD in my workouts.  I have done the cardio, toning, live dvd, etc. but never the Mix.  The Mix is a cardio dvd that has you working out and dancing to songs from around the world with traditional steps.  It seriously was SO MUCH fun and kicked my ass.  I did a Bollywood style dance, African dancing, Belly dancing, some Japanese inspired dance, Salsa dancing, some French regaeton (sp?) or something, the Tango/Flamenco, some Brazilian dance...  So many!  The reason I only did 75% was because I only had 45-hour to workout and there were so many new songs and dances in this one that I just didn't have time to finish but I can't wait to do this one again.  Highly, highly recommend it.

Back to my weigh-in for the week.  So this morning I woke up and weighed myself "officially" and I was 1.5 lbs less than last week.  Whoop whoop! Not much but thank god it was something.  Every inch makes a difference, right?  Right?!  It fucking better!!!!!!  Do I think I lost 1.5 lbs from Friday to Saturday? No.  I think that Friday's weight just wasn't accurate but who cares? What matters is I'm getting smaller.  And I have more proof than just the number on the scale:

Last month I mentioned that I took measurements of my body.  I never posted them but I wrote them down and this month I remeasured myself.  Here are the old and new:

October 2nd Measurements:

Waist: 42.5 inches
Hip: 51 inches
Thigh: 27.5 inches
Bust: 47 inches
Arm: 14 inches
Neck: 15.25 inches
Butt: 47.5 inches

November 3rd Measurements:

Waist: 38.5 inches (4 inches lost)
Hip: 48 inches (3 inches lost)
Thigh: 26 inches (1.5 inches lost)
Bust: 45 inches (2 inches lost)
Arm: 13 inches (1 inch lost)
Neck: 15 inches (.25 inches lost)
Butt: 45.5 inches (2 inches lost)

BAM!  Proof!  Super happy when I saw these numbers and only hope that next month I can keep it up!

And in other exciting news...Daylight Savings is tonight! One more hour of sleep!!!! Night night!

Deep Breath...

As I sit here, I feel like I can finally take a deep breath. For the past couple of weeks my boyfriend and I have been counting down the days until he had a tumor surgically removed from his back. The tumor itself is not fun to think about and can be quite scary (chances are that it's most likely not cancerous but we will know more in a week) but the real task at hand was getting through the surgery. To say Johnny was nervous would be an understatement. The unknown can be very scary and I don't blame him for being worried and concerned, but he did great, absolutely great and I'm so proud. I can usually keep a level head, talk to the doctors, and be the rock as best I can, but as I walked with him to the operating room doors and had to say goodbye and good luck, I quietly hid my tears. In that moment you are reminded of how lucky you are and to be thankful for the person that you have by your side through life's ups and downs. It wasn't that I was worried that something would happen or that I would never see him again...I didn't want him to be scared. I didn't want him to be in pain. And I didn't want him to feel alone.

The surgery is said and done and we can now put it behind us. And I'm sure Johnny is very happy to have had it removed as soon as possible because the doctor ended up finding another tumor underneath the muscle that he didn't know was there. He was able to get that one out as well.

After a long day and a painfully bumpy car ride home, he is on the mend and will be just fine in a couple of days. He was even feeling ok enough to tell me to go on my run yesterday afternoon. What a guy. He knows that I've been putting so much time in and it would be a good way to release some of the built up stress of the week. After I checked and double checked that he would be fine on his own, I went to my favorite forest preserve to run. I hadn't been able to run there for a month or so because it closes at dusk so I was happy to be back on the trail.

I have been reading some running magazine lately and numerous articles have suggested running without music or headphones so you can really listen to the rhythm of your steps and pay closer attention to your breathing, etc so I decided to give it a chance. I didn't listen to any music for the first 30 minutes and then I put on some instrumental songs from Rudy (don't laugh) for the last 15-20 minutes when I really needed the extra motivation.

Tucking away my headphones and simply being alone with my thoughts made such a difference. I really enjoyed running along the beautiful autumn trails in silence and taking a little bit of time to give thanks.

It's about damn time!!!

I finally bought my most important piece of running gear yesterday.  Yes, shoes are obviously important and a necessity but I've been lacking something else for too long.  I needed a sports bra to hold these bad boys up and in for a looooong time.  And since I was having a case of the Mondays I decided to brighten my own day with an early birthday splurge at the running store. :)

I knew right away what bra I wanted since I've been researching online for a couple months now.  I bought a Moving Comfort Juno sports bra in black.  This bad boy feels like a suit of armor.

Wish I looked like this in the bra.  One day...

Then I decided to continue to look around at some cold weather running gear.  I run in the same Nike capri running tights EVERY DAY.  I try to wash them after every run but let's be honest, sometimes things happen and I end up having to wear them twice before washing.  Trust me, I even gross myself out but what's a girl to do.  Running pants aren't cheap.  A couple of weeks ago my running pants were dirty (aka worn 2x without washing) so I decided to wear some Nike running shorts instead and I was gone for not even 5 minutes before I had to turn around and run back home to change into the smelly, still sweaty, running pants.  Couldn't take it.  The last thing I need when I'm trying to keep my body running is to be thinking about how uncomfortable my clothes are and be digging shorts out of my crotch.  Pretty hard to stay in the zone.  I tried on a few different pairs of running pants that the nice sales lady, Kathy, suggested for me.  I told her I am used to running in "tights" (I guesss that's what they call running pants that are tight all the way down the leg) because often the waist on a straight leg pant will ride on me or move and I end up pulling at it, etc.  I have this problem because it's hard for me to find pants that fit around my waist that still fit on my butt and thighs because I carry most of my weight in my stomach.  I'm glad I tried on Kathy's suggestions anyway because I ended up loving the Moving Comfort Fearless pant and the waist is high (sexy I know) and it has a thick elastic band at the top so hopefully it won't give me any problems as I run.

Yep, that's my stomach. :)

I wassssss going to stop there.  I swear I was.  But they had so many cute thermal tops and trust me, I need one of those too.  I've been wearing my very old and very thin black Northface fleece over a t-shirt to run when it is cold outside. Not cutting it for many reasons.  1. It's black and has no reflectors on it. 2. Not water repellant. 3. Not very warm (very old and extremely thin) 4. It's my everyday jacket and only "winter" coat so like my running pants, it doesn't get washed as often as it should.  So I bought this lovely thermal top from Nike:

Nike Element Thermal Hoodie

I wore the bra and Nike top yesterday during my run and both were great.  I don't know how I ran with my old sports bra before. (I would have to wear TWO and it still wasn't cutting it!)  Going to test out the new pants right now when I do the Zumba Strength and Toning DVD.  We'll see if they ride, fall, move, twist as I lunge, salsa and thrust my pelvis.  :)

Uh Oh?

I absolutely hate this time of the week.  Sunday night, getting ready for bed, thinking about Monday and how much it's going to BLOW when that alarm goes off at 6 am (ok...and 6:25) and it's time to go back to work.  That has not changed in the past 4 weeks.  But what HAS changed in the past 4 weeks is how I am starting to look at food.  Emphasis on "starting".  As I mentioned in an earlier blog, I had a really good week this week.  I ate well and I worked my ass off and it paid off.  I'm down another 4.5 lbs!!!  Yep...and then comes Sunday.  Since yesterday I weighed in and I worked out I decided that I deserved to slack off a little bit today.  It started with McDonald's breakfast.  1.5 breakfast sammies, a hashbrown and a peppermint mocha (with skim milk because I was obviously counting calories!)  I'd also like to note here that it wasn't even that good.  Just saying.  But did it stop me from eating it? Hell no.  Then a few hours later I had some chips and guacamole.  Then a couple hours after that I had a homemade meatball sandwich, baked potato and salad for dinner.  Then a few hours after that a piece of cheese pizza.  Followed by some more chips and guacamole.  And here you have me: bloated, gassy, ashamed and full of regret.  I spent too many days over the past 28 years eating like I did today and where did it get me?  Unhappy and very overweight.  And it wasn't even worth it.  That's all I keep thinking.  It wasn't like I was eating at some five star, once in a lifetime restaurant in Europe. McDonald's and a meatball sandwich for cryin' out loud!!!  I even said to my boyfriend at one point post gluttony, "I don't miss feeling like this after I've eaten".  And that's the truth.  I hate it.  It's a miserable feeling that sits with you for hours after you've filled your body with crap.  Nothing compared to that feeling I had when I ran 5 miles this week.  I know I still have 71 lbs to go but I can FEEL the changes in my body as I've been running this week and that feeling is one of the best I have ever felt.  Even with the 70+ lbs of extra weight I have felt stronger and leaner and...confident.  And eating like an asshole today just sucks.  Could I have indulged in one thing today? Sure.  But I didn't need to go bat shit crazy the whole day because now I'm going to be spending the next 2-3 days working off ONE DAY of eating instead of adding to my current 16 lb weight loss.  Frus-trat-ing.

Back at it tomorrow and determined to have another successful week.  If Da Bears could recover today and pull out a 1 pt victory then I sure as hell can too!!  Go Bears!

71 Fat Ones To Go! (pun intended)

Down 4.5 lbs this week! Holler for a dollar! I'm really happy to see that big, solid number because I really worked hard for it this week. Tracked my food, worked out 5 out of 7 days and am chugging along on my Couch to 10K program.

I didn't elaborate on it the other day because I was sort of speechless but Thursday I ran 5 miles and I ran them "well". Don't kid yourself, I hated every step of it and couldn't wait for it to be over but I didn't feel as though I was going to die like I have so many times before. As I reached the 5 mile point, I could feel myself losing my breath. Not from the run but because I was getting choked up. 5 miles. Tears streamed down my face. I couldn't believe it. 5 miles.

I'm excited to continue to push myself and see what I can do. The past 4 weeks have been a challenge but definitely not impossible and as long as I keep getting results, I'll keep moving this ass. :)

Short Lived Celebration.

I ran 5 miles today.

Have I mentioned today is Friday?!?!

I may have left my coffee at home this morning but that's not enough to break my spirit today because... It's FRIDAY! I live for Fridays! I long for Fridays! Fridays mark the return of my sanity (at least I'd like to believe so) and SLEEP! Shout out to Friday! HOLLA!!

Ok enough already.  :) Yesterday was a really good day.  Nothing super special or major, just one of those days where everyone and everything seem to be on the same page and headed in the same direction.  Affirmation that the future is bright as long as we keep reaching for it.  That's all someone can really hope for.  Not going to lie, the beginning of the week I didn't have very good days.  I was losing it mentally and breaking down 2-3 nights in a row.  Even now as I write this I can't put my finger on why (no, not my period).  I think it just comes down to communication.  It wasn't as if I felt as if I wasn't being heard, it was more of I wasn't able to express myself the way I wanted to and it was physically and mentally exhausting.  Everyone is entitled to their own opinions and feelings but has to be given the chance to express them without judgement.  I'm sure I'm guilty of not wanting to hear someone else's opinion.  Hell, I know I'm guilty of it.  Believe it or not, confrontation scares me.  It makes me mentally want to shut down and keep my feelings inside until they just explode. (Eureka.  Maybe that's what happened this week.) What exactly am I getting at here?  I'm not sure.  But all I know is that this personal journey that I've started to better myself physically will ultimately better every aspect of my life.  I won't feel as insecure as I often to.  I will have the confidence to tell someone how I feel without fear of being shut out or rejected because I won't need their validation, I will have my own.  I will fill my life with happiness and it will ultimately outshine any darkness and negativity that weighs on my heart.

Have I mentioned today is Friday?!?! Ok sorry, snapping myself out of the seriousness for a second! :)

Yesterday was a good eating day too.  Another fruit and yogurt parfait from McDs which is so tasty I can't take it.  I have a moment of sadness when it's all gone. :(

For lunch I had some chicken noodle soup from Mariano's.  Pretty tasty and low calories.  I think I need to start making my own soup.  In fact...yesterday I checked my mail for the first time in almost two weeks (bad, I know) and was thrilled to find...

I have a Cooking Light subscription and often flip through and mark recipes that look interesting but then I rarely make them.  However, this edition is like the best of the best and I want to make a bunch of things! Like loaded baked potato soup, a couple chocolate desserts, some mongolian beef stir fry, burgers... Monday will be my first Cooking Light dinner.  Mark.  My.  Words.

And like I've said before my runs are becoming a bit more difficult for me so I'm trying to run every other day and get in another workout in place of running so yesterday I did ZUMBA!  What Amy told me the other night about her leg muscles getting huge and her upper-body being nonexistent scared me so I think on my non-running days I'm going to do Zumba strength training.  I have both the old and new Zumba DVDs and it took me awhile to get used to the new ones because they are SO different but I actually do really like to do the cardio of those but I don't dig the new strength training as much.  It's divided into two 25-30 minute parts.  The first part is great but then the 2nd half is strength training with a chair in the middle of the room.  Backstreet Boy style, dancing around it, straddling it, spinning it, etc.  My place is not big enough for those shenanigans and I just can't get into it soooooo I did the older version of the strength training which is good and I think other days I'll do the first half of the newer version and then do the Zumba ab dvd or something.  We'll see.

Beto and his bitches shakin' their toning sticks.

Dinner was a 6 inch ham sub from Subway and some sour cream and onion baked lays.  They didn't have BBQ baked lays.  BBQ are wayyyyy better.  Oh and a beef jerkey stick at about 8:30/9 pm because I was hungry! But only 80 calories!

Ok that's all for now.  I need to start getting on with the day as much as I'd like to just sit here on my couch and soak up the weekend.  Have I mentioned it's Friday?!? :)  And I have a big run this afternoon.  More intervals but instead of 10 minute runs....12 minute runs! I can do it!!!

Don't Sugar Coat It

The other day I said I had wished I took a picture of the football field I ran around as I envisioned myself being Rudy.  Here it is from my run today.  Now just imagine overcast, rainy and more leaves.

Thursday! More importantly, almost Friday!! I can't tell you how much I need the weekend to catch up on some sleep. Very lacking this week.

Anyways, it has been unusually warm the past couple of days. We're talking 78-80 degrees! I've been trying to get my runs in during the day so I can enjoy the sun and warmth. Yesterday's Couch to 10k run was a repeat of the previous run. The one I had been dreading, remember? 50 minutes of intervals. Well I did it again yesterday and it still was hard but I have to admit, a teensy bit easier so that's something to be proud of. I might as well just suck it up and put the worries to the side because from here on out, the runs are getting significantly longer and more difficult.

Post run.Nothing to brag about here.  Didn't even want to post a full body pic but hopefully this can be considered my "before" and eventually there will be a foxy "after" months from now.

Super Super Delicious.  150 calories.  YUM

Snack Time.  Beef Jerky.  Jury is still out on this one.  I like it.   120 calories for the Jumbo (anywhere from 60-80 calories per serving)  High Protein.  Low Fat.  High Sodium though...

Last night I met up with my friend Amy for coffee after work. I haven't seen Amy in probably 10 years! We went to high school together and played softball together and I reached out to her recently because I saw on Facebook (shocker) that she was getting ready to run the Chicago Marathon. She's obviously not the only person I know that was running it or had run it, but I particularly wanted to talk to Amy about it because I don't exactly remember Amy being a "runner". Sorry, Amy. :) We joked last night as we reminisced that we used to bitch the whole time when we had to run one lap around the school during softball practice. Now...she's a marathon runner!

After we "caught up" on the last 10 years,  I had a million questions to ask her about the marathon. I literally considered writing down her answers but was trying to play it cool. Here are some of the million things I wanted to know:

Was she running before she decided to run the marathon? If so, how much and how often? She said up to 6 miles 5 days a week when she got serious about it.

When did she start training? May or June

Did she alter what she was eating at all or just eat normally? She ate pretty normally but obviously if she had a long run the next day she tried not to eat anything to greasy or heavy the night before but she didn't really make an extra effort to eat more protein or more/less calories, etc.

What did she wear? Shorts.  She usually runs in running pants but her friend told her to wear shorts because even though its so cold you will get too warm.  She said she felt like she was constantly pulling at her shorts. (I already know I'd have to wear spandex running pants.  Sexy.) She also wore a tank top with a track jacket that she ended up handing off to her parents in the crowd around mile 9 or so.  

Did she piss or shit herself? I heard that could happen. No but she had to pee a bunch of times.  Even stopped at mile 25 to pee! And she said to take Imodium before the race because that will help with the urge to deuce. Take advil or tylenol too.  She said you become so dehydrated the next couple of days that you don't shit at all.  (Good to know.)

Was she shitting her pants before the race? She said she could barely sleep the night before and was so scared.  Mile 8 she said she panicked and was on the verge of an anxiety attack because all she kept thinking about was how much more she had to go.  She said take it one mile at a time and don't think "ok now I have 16 miles left....13 miles left..." One mile at a time.  She also said that the friend that she ran with had run it two other times and she was still nervous her third time.  She said "I don't know what's worse.  Not knowing what to expect like the first time, or knowing what to expect!"  Uh oh.

What would she do differently? She said she knows that she could do better.  She said their goal was to run it in 4 hours and 45 min and they ended up finishing at 5 hours and 45 min.  (That means that they hoped to keep an 11 min mile pace and ended up averaging around 13 minutes per mile.) Also told me that she wasn't prepared for what happened to her body.  She said she gained so much muscle in her legs and her thighs especially got super big and her upper body lost weight but not muscle so she just felt disproportionate.  She would look into some upper body strength training in the future. Please, God, please don't let that happen to me.  I'm really doing this to lose weight so I'd hate to end up looking like a freak.  Not lying, even if I had completed 75% of the training I would probably scale back A LOT if my body ended up looking weird.  Don't get me wrong, I want to run a marathon but I'd rather have the body than the medal at the finish line.

Did she use body glide or something for chaffing? YES! Put it all over.  Your thighs, under the bands of your sports bra, the waistline or your pants/shorts and don't forget between your toes! Didn't think about that one! They have a guy along the race that holds up this giant pole covered with vaseline that runners can run past and just scoop off a handful of it to use where they need it. Ummm...you sure that was vaseline Amy?!?!

How many pairs of shoes did she go through during her training? Two.  Her shoes were completely shot 2-3 weeks before the marathon and she had to get new ones.  Next time she'd get them at least a month or 2 before the race.  They ended up being ok but not as broken in as they could have been.

What did she do after the race? Die?  Had a beer.  Goose Island is there handing out beers to the runners and then found their families and went to lunch.  Picked at turkey sandwiches/turkey burgers because you really don't want to eat much.

Would she do it again?????  "Ummmm....  Yea, probably?  Because I know I could do better.  I don't know if I'll do it again this year but we'll see.  Talk to me again in a few months."

So there you have it.  An honest account of the marathon.  And yes I'm STILL considering doing it.  One day at a time. One mile at a time.

"Who's The Wild Man Now?!?"

Well, my legs are super sore and my knees throb but I accomplished a big one today. I've been eyeing this run for a few days and it was quickly approaching. Couldn't deny it any longer. I set out today in the wind and rain and got it done.

Now for the ridiculous part. I owe the first 37 minutes of the run to The Original Motion Picture Soundtrack of Rudy; my all time favorite movie. I swear I was running in an actual scene from the movie. It was quiet, overcast, leaves of yellow, red and orange and even a football field! I ran my heart out to the entire soundtrack and once it was over, I hit a wall. It got rough. But I tried to keep a good pace and take consistent breaths and just told myself to keep going. Just keep going.

Happy Sweetest Day!

Because of a packed schedule, yesterday became my rest day and no run for me. Apparently I had plenty of time to eat though. Not that I went crazy exactly but I did not use my fitnesspal app as much as I should have this week and I'm afraid it's going to show on the scale tomorrow. Last night we went to my parents' to see the family and for homemade pizza dinner (wine too). Damn good homemade pizza. Normally I would eat like 8-10 pieces, last night I had probably 6. Progress? Hours later I also may have had a ham and cheese sandwich and some pita chips and hummus. Not a good idea at 1 am before bed.

Today I knew I had to bust my ass so I got my ass out there and completed Week 9 Day 2 of Couch to 10K. I did NOT want to go out and do it but I did. Getting out there and starting is hands down the hardest part. It seemed a teensy bit easier this time around than Week 9 Day 1 I completed Thursday which was the same run.

When I was finished I came back to the apartment and Johnny and I made a lovely breakfast for Sweetest Day. Ok not for Sweetest Day, I just wanted some hashbrowns. Don't judge because I logged all of the breakfast and it was more of a brunch. Filled me up for the rest of the day until it was time for dinner so it was worth the whopping 550 calories. :)

Dinner was much lighter and healthier since I splurged at "brunch". Grilled chicken, steamed broccoli, spinach and mixed green salad with balsamic vinaigrette dressing and even though watermelon is in the following picture it tasted like ass so was not eaten. I guess watermelon season is over. Wah waah waaaaah! :(

Also had a couple spoonfuls of sugar free chocolate pudding (a container is like 70 calories and I only had 1/2) but other than that, done eating for the day and focusing on eliminating snacks after dinner. Kitchen is closed!

Pit of the Day: nothing was on tv. This sounds very lazy ass of me but I can't tell you the last time that we just sat down on the couch and watched tv for hours. Just relaxxxxxxed. Today was the day and I enjoyed every second of it (until I accidentally deleted the whole entire DVR of recorded shows) and I didn't feel guilty about sitting on my ass since I ran about 3.5 miles this morning.

Perk of the Day: new iPhone headphones with microphone for Sweetest Day today. Hopefully I won't lose these ones for awhile. :)

Nuff said.

Bam!

So close...and yet so far.

I finally did it. Sort of. I have been stuck on the same 35 minute run on my Couch to 10K app and today while I was out running (doing the same 35 minutes) I thought to myself "I'm going to keep going. I think the next run in the program is 40 minutes so I'm going to run through the 5 minute cool down. I can do this!". And I did. My legs hurt so bad. I haven't been able to sit without cringing or go down the stairs without moaning since I did ONE DAY of Jillian Michaels' 30 Day Shred. But I kept going. I was glad I pushed myself. As the 40 minutes came to an end, I was excited to check off the next run on my app. The run I have been putting off for two weeks. And then as I looked down at the app on my phone and went to check off the fete, I saw it. Week 9 Day 1 is a 43 minute run! FORTY THREE MINUTES! Not 40!!! Mother F'er. So close and yet so far. Still stuck at Week 8 Day 3... Until next time.

I was really proud of this run today regardless of being short 3 minutes. I wanted to stop and didn't think I'd be able to move ahead but I kept going.

And I've been proud of it all day...until I ate pizza and a small piece of birthday cake. :-/

But it's ok. The rest of the day was crazy and hectic and I barely got breakfast in (some pieces of honey ham) and grabbed a quick lunch out the door (more honey ham, string cheese, an apple, another coffee and some water) and that was it. Tomorrow I need to do better planning. I'm not worried about the scale going UP this week but I sure hope it goes down. We'll see. Still a few more days in the week to crank it up a notch. Hopefully tomorrow I'll get some feeling back in my legs.

*i didn't take a pic of my run today because I was too busy telling myself to keep moving so I took a post-run pic. Not flattering but evidence.

Good with the Bad

I'm a day late so I better get caught up! I did not write a blog yesterday and already I'm slacking today. Where's the accountability?!

For the past two days I have worked really hard during the day to get all of my work obligations done so that I can get in a 35-45 min run. I've failed. Both days. Yesterday was so busy I thought a workout was a lost cause. By the time I even had chance to sit down and have dinner it was after 8 pm. And then I don't know what came over me but I thought I'd put dinner on the side and do my Jillian Michael 30 Day Shred DVD. Boy, am I feeling it today. My ass hurts. My thighs hurt. My calves Hurt. It's only a 20-25 min DVD but like I said, kicked my ass.

Now the bad news. Another super bust day and didn't get a run or workout in. However, I did meet Lindsey C for dinner at Cheesecake Factory tonight and we shared an appetizer and I had the Carlton salad. And a skinny margarita for 150 calories. Ok 2 of them.

Tomorrow I'm going to get a run in in the morning or early afternoon no ifs ands or butts. Tomorrows already Wednesday and I can't fail this week. Gotta step it up.

Ok, call me pathetic, but I'm literally faking asleep writing this so I need to wrap it up. Tomorrow will be better and I'll have a run under my belt to blog about.

I'll also leave ya with these beautiful pics of the sky last night. Too pretty not to share. Looks like the sky was painted on. That was the perk of the crazy crazy day.

Also just wanted to share my baking skills with ya. Baked up these bad boys for the kids I nanny for and showed some restraint and didn't eat one. Housewife material!!!

Until tomorrow...

Chin up!

This is the WORST part of the weekend.  Sunday night when it's time to start getting ready for bed and time to start another week. Boooooooooooo.  I hate it.  Makes me so crabby. Ok enough complaining, trying to be more positive...

This weekend was nice; Birthday celebrations, tv cabinet building, free cheese knife at Sam's Club (why give away knives of all things, not sure), much needed sleep, Real Housewives of New Jersey... but I kind of ate like poo.  Yesterday AND today.  Nothing crazy bananas but I just wasn't in control exactly.  No calorie counting and I didn't really say "no" to much.  Slutty eating you might say.  That birthday cake that I was so proud that I didn't eat Friday? I ate a piece Saturday.  I also snacked late night Saturday and had two helpings at dinner Sunday and more dessert.  None of it was even worth it. I noticed tonight that I haven't missed this full icky belly feeling the past two weeks.  I haven't felt "gross" in a couple weeks and its been nice.  Let me tell you the feeling of waking up in the morning (preferably on a Saturday where you get to actually sleep in) and then stretching in your bed feeling physically stronger and maybe even a little bit SMALLER than the day before? Now that's a good feeling.  Much better than the "why did I eat that?" feeling.  Still working on training the brain to eat food that my body needs and not feed it what my brain wants.  There's a big difference there.

I did not run yesterday because we had plans to go to this Fall Fest with my niece and nephew and family but it was raining and plans feel through and call this a lame excuse but I was already showered with makeup did and I did not want to run and then have to shower again so yesterday was my day "off" and today I ran.  It was pouring outside but out I went.  I'm STILL at the 5k run on my Couch to 10k program and that's still ok with me.  I'm just going to keep at it and one day it will be a little bit easier and I'll add on some more time or distance.  Maybe as the lbs come off I will be able to push myself more.  Not being discouraged

Running in the rain.

This was waiting for me when I got back from my run in the rain.  What a guy.

So here's to a new week and another 7 day opportunity to make good choices, move my fat ass, and be thankful for the great things I have in my life.  And let's hope the first 5 days go by fucking fast because I could already use another weekend!!

75.5 to go!! Whoop Whoop!

Did not post yesterday because it was a busy day but at least I have a 4.5 lb weight loss this week to make up for it! So excited.  I was worried that I wasn't going to have as great of a week as I did last week because I can't be expecting more than 1 or 2 lbs per week but 4 lbs? I'll take it!

Yesterday I spent the morning at the laundromat washing my comforter.  It's king size and doesn't exactly get "clean" in a top load washer and I made the mistake of spending $40 to have it cleaned at the dry cleaners.  Plus who wants to sleep in a stiff, icky chemical smelling comforter anyway.  So I hit up the laundromat with my coffee, luna bar, and Women's Health magazine and it was quite peaceful actually.  Had the whole place to myself.

I also managed to get a run in in the afternoon but did not use my Couch to 10k app.  I'm still trying to get comfortable with a straight 30-35 minute run before I move on but I'm ok with that so for now I'm sticking with Week 8 Day 3 and maybe Monday I'll move on to Day 4.  We'll see.

I also didn't want to push it too much since I pulled a Michael Scott an hour before my run; improper carbo loading at lunch.  I had a Fettuccini Alfredo Lean Cuisine for lunch.  Not a good idea.  This was me... Michael Scott Carbo Load  LOL (But only 250 calories!  Kind of tasted like soap so didn't even finish it though.)

And then last night was another test of willpower.  Johnny's brother's birthday is this weekend so we had cake last night.  Before dinner.  Well they had cake, I had 2 or 3 bites of Johnny's and then a burrito bowl from Chipotle for dinner.  I felt like I ate wayyy too much and was worried about the scale this morning but I still rocked it!

And now I'd like to take this time to give Mr. Johnny DiTommaso a shout out for so kindly building my new tv cabinet last night.  We powered through the bubble guts (cake and chipotle), and successfully translated the directions and we did it!  Thanks, Sugar Bear! 

Roseanne of course.  Best episode EVER. "Stash from the Past"